You want to do it.
You need to do it.
You know in your heart what you must do.
But you stop yourself from making the decision.
To change careers.
To go for that promotion.
To leave the relationship.
To start the business.
To enrol for that course.
To move. To travel. To put yourself out there.
To drop commitments that are draining you.
To prioritize what you most need for your own wellbeing.
To ask that person out on a date.
To create. To paint. To draw. To try out for that audition.
To ask for the payrise.
To prioritize your passions, or prioritize time to discover your passions.
To put your time, energy and money into that plan you want to become a reality.
To say no to the obligations that are just that, soulless obligations.
To say yes to balance and health with more than just intention, with real action.
The question is – WHY are you avoiding the decision to do and be what you know you want, need and must do, whatever that is uniquely for you?
Perhaps you ask everyone around you for their opinions of what you should do. You hide the decision from those who you think might tell you to “just get on with it”. You share with the people who will voice your own fears back to you and will help you to justify your indecision and inaction.
The question is – WHY do you do that?
One major reason why people avoid making the big decisions is this:
People simply don't ALLOW themselves PERMISSION to be and do what they most want and need.
They don't value their own humanity.
They don't prioritize their own happiness.
They don't know their own beauty, worthiness, and enough-ness. They think it is selfish to attend to their own needs.
They try to be everything to everyone, excluding themselves.
They don't realize that all the Universe wants for them and from them, is their own peace and happiness first and foremost, so that it can flow out with tidal wave impact to all the people around them.
They get caught up in worrying about the impact of their decision on everyone else and put other people's needs before their own.
They focus externally instead of internally.
And, they are lost in a foggy perspective that somehow this approach is serving their relationships and the greater good if they deny what they most deeply need in order to thrive.
One Important Fact to Understand
There is one truth that you must understand in relation to this subject…
When you do what you most need and want from a heart-led decision, nourishing yourself at the level of your soul, and you act out of authenticity and integrity, then your decision is NEVER a disservice to anyone else.
People may not like it, but they don't have to like it. Your job in life is not to please everyone. Your job in life is to know your values and intuition, and to live loyally in alignment with them, knowing that doing so is how you make your greatest contribution to life and everyone around you.
Give Yourself Permission
You must be willing to give yourself permission “to go there”, to that place inside of yourself where you acknowledge what you need and want, and you allow yourself to make it real in your life.
Will you treat yourself like your health, peace and happiness matter? And not that they matter in the future, some years down the track when you eventually get around to making the decision you know needs to be made, but that they matter RIGHT NOW. Indeed, that YOU matter right now.
Your Life is Happening NOW
Your heart beats another day. Your soul waits another day. Your physical, mental and emotional health sustains yet another day of being underpinned by blocked energy, weighed down with stress, unsupported by edgy feelings that occur when someone ignores their true needs and wants.
In this very moment, you know that I'm talking to you. You would have stopped reading by now if there weren't a big decision you know you need to make. You are still reading because you are looking for the answers to support your decision. What you really need to do is to focus on one thing… TRUSTING YOURSELF. Trust that your intuition is correct. Acknowledge you deserve to follow your heart. Allow yourself permission to do what needs to be done.
Do Not Take Your Life for Granted
Not everyone who was alive yesterday is still alive today. People have died in the last 24 hours. From ill health, from accidents, from lack of basic nourishment, from natural causes, from old age… children, young people, adults, beautiful people who may well have thought they had another tomorrow.
Life is not a given. It is fragile and precious.
Your life is not going to last forever. This is not a morbid or sad fact, it is a powerfully motivating fact to draw you to a decision point – where you give yourself permission to make the decisions that most need to be made, so that tomorrow will be the fullest experience of your life that is possible.
Stepping Out – Excitement & Discomfort
When you make your decision, you may find yourself in relief, elation and also in possible discomfort.
Discomfort often arises when something changes. Whether we realize it or not, we are all addicted to certainty and change threatens certainty.
Change, no matter how much we desire it and need it, means new territory. It means adjusting, and it means navigating our life in new ways. That can be unsettling. When you let something go in order to make room for something else, or you let something go in order to release a burden from your life, or you reach for something you desire to add value to your life experience, or you make a decision you intuitively sense is right for you but intellectually struggle to see how it could all work out… then the uncertainty of new territory can invoke discomfort. That discomfort ranges from low-level unease through to full-blown fear. And, the important thing to realize is that none of these feelings of discomfort mean anything is wrong. Unless you are actually in mortal danger, then fear is not your foe. It is simply a reminder than you're in uncharted waters, and like any explorer or adventurer, you know you must get out there in life to discover what lies beyond.
Make the decision.
Even if it means standing in discomfort because you are putting yourself “out there” in ways you are not familiar with, it is no more uncomfortable than walking around every day of your life at present pretending that your BIG DECISION doesn't need to be made, and pretending it doesn't mean that much to you, and thinking that somehow your avoidance of it will be the best course of action.
Realize that you are worthy of your decision right now.
Give yourself permission to prioritize your needs.
Allow yourself. Not next month or next year, but now.
With love, Bernadette
Thank you B for this article. Tripping across it was definitely timely – I’m not sure if I found it or it found me.
You’re so welcome Mary. Hope you are well. Sending love and blessings! B 🙂
Hi bernadette. I’m loving your website. I have found your work recently as I am facing an extremely difficult decision which goes against others needs bur I am trying to find my soul purpose. Your teachings are helping me understand that by not acknowledging my soul it causes blocks and unhappiness of which I have been deeply unhappy. I will keep reading your articles and listening to your you tube clips. Fingers crossed I can make this decision soon and be confident about it. Thank you for your passion. ☺
Hi, so glad you are here and finding the resources useful. Welcome to the community! You might find useful the vlogs on “How to Make Intuitive Decisions not Fearful Decisions”, and possibly “The Hidden Meaning in our Life Challenges”. Hugs and warmest wishes to you. B:)
I wonder in regards to a big decision as to leave a relationship, how does this work when children are involved?
Hi Rachel, thanks for reaching out. Great question, and I’ve witnessed many people face that same questions and challenge, when they know it’s time to leave a relationship and they have children involved in the family unit/relationship. Most often, the higher truth that helps people to courageously make the decision to leave a relationship with children involved, is a) knowing that what serves the highest good, peace and health of the parent is also in fact in the highest good for the children too, even if the process of leaving involves change, uncertainty, confusion or grief that each person (adults and children) have to process and b) knowing that if a relationship is not right for the adults involved and not healthy and supporting the best of both adults, then it doesn’t necessarily serve the children either, as children are intuitive, energetically sensitive (as we all are as adults too) and being in the middle of a relationship that is at odds with the highest good, health and happiness, isn’t serving them. All that said, nobody gets to say what is right for an adult except that adult, and nobody gets to say what is right for someone’s children, except for that child’s own spirit and a loving parents of that child. So as far as anyone’s “wisdom” or “advice”, only take it where it serves you to come to your own inner truth, that includes anything you read/see/hear on my website. YOUR inner wisdom is the greatest authority in your life and your spirit will lead you well if you listen to it and courageously trust in the unfolding of your own journey when you align to that inner knowing. I send love our way. Bx