Do you value who you are and what you have to offer, be it personally in relationships or professionally?
Do you convey that to other people by the way you carry yourself, by what you say and do, and by what you envisage as possible for yourself?
As a rule of thumb, people will tend to treat you according to the way you perceive your own value. This is especially true in your professional life.
So you really want to be presenting yourself as a high value commodity, not a bargain bin item!
“If you're not being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's YOU who tell people what you're worth by what you accept. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables! Bottom line: value yourself more! If you don't, no one else will!” – Unknown
First of all, your value is inherent. Nothing anyone says will change that. You are a high value commodity! Even if you don’t believe it, it still doesn't change the fact that you are a valuable human being, with much to offer, and you have a very important place to fill on the planet.
That said, even though your value is inherent, not everyone is going to recognise that in you. People are busy, they are caught up in their own “stuff”, they are often not consciously aware and many people are not driven by your needs nor taking the time to understand you, but rather they are driven by their own needs. Sad but true, and the result of people being lost in their own minds, instead of present in the moment.
Setting the Scene for Being Valued
So, to be treated in the way you deserve and desire…
- It has to start with you accepting your own value first
- Then treating yourself accordingly, literally in what you do and how you behave
- And then conveying that value to others through:
- how you behave
- what you say
- how you treat them
- how you value/price your skills or offering in a relationship
- how you convey what you offer to others in the face of opportunity
- how you use and value your time
- what boundaries you set around what is and is not okay with you in relationships of any nature
- how you allow other people to treat you, and
- what you do in response to situations when you are not treated or valued appropriately
When You Don't Value Yourself
If you don’t value who you are and you don’t see the value in what you can offer and do, personally or professionally, then other people read that very quickly (through your energy, your words, your tone, your body language and your behaviour). And, often times they will fall into alignment with that. Without even realising it, many people receive an impression of you based on how you value yourself, and they may accept that to be real. If they did see your value, they may even start to question their judgement based on how you present yourself.
When You Value Yourself
If you do value who you are and what you have to offer, then people:
- Notice that presence and confidence
- They see how you carry yourself
- They hear how you convey yourself
- Their starting point in understanding you is therefore that you are of value or at the very least there is something for them to pay attention to because you clearly believe you are.
- This reinforces your value in their eyes and gives them the ability to have greater confidence in you.
Obviously, your follow through behaviours MUST support that perceived value as well. Just the belief in your value doesn’t mean you will garner trust, respect, healthy relationships or professional success, but it is certainly an important and strong starting point to set the scene going forward.
And here is the BIG ONE… downplaying your value, hiding your light, shying away from stating what you are really worth and what you offer… is NOT a strength.
People confuse this behavior with being humble.
Belief in your value and being confident to walk with your head held high and show that value to others is not about ego, it is not being self-centered or big-headed. It is about owning your power, and if you do that authentically and with an open heart, compassionately listening to other people, intending to add value and receive value in all your interactions, you will never be mistaken for anything else.
- Where in your life do you feel unvalued, taken advantage of, or treated like a doormat or a discount item?
- Do you believe in your own inherent value?
- Have you expressed your value in those areas of your life/relationships in order to help the other person/people understand your own position on the matter?
- Have you set clear boundaries for yourself around what is okay and not okay with you in relationships personally or at work?
- Have you taken empowered action to express those boundaries in situations where you have been treated poorly?
Don't Shy Away from Having the Tough Conversations – You Can Do It!
These are not easy conversations to have.
Most people avoid them, and then get upset and fester on “the way I've been treated”.
But you must realize…
Life is not happening to you. You are happening to life.
When someone doesn’t treat you well, you must draw boundaries.
When someone doesn’t value who you are and what you offer, you can convey your value, negotiate authentically for an outcome that is win win for both parties, or you can choose to walk away.
All of these above scenarios require your active participation. No complaining. No blaming. Vent if you must in some healthy way, to offload the frustration, and then move on to solutions! Solution eyes is essential if you don’t want to sit in pain any longer.
These types of conversations and follow through actions DO NOT have to be confrontational or painful. You can be calm, assured and have a clear plan of what you want to say, do and achieve and make it easy for yourself and the other people involved to come away from the situation feeling respected and understood.
Simply you are called to focus your energy on:
- Clarification of your value for yourself and expressing that clearly and compassionately to others
- Clarification of your boundaries for yourself and expressing that clearly and compassionately to others
- Agreement with yourself of what works for you and what will help you to thrive as potential solution/s to the situation
- And, then follow through action in alignment with that.
With love, Bernadette