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When, Why & How to Forgive

Is there anyone you have not forgiven in your life? Do you carry past hurt, resentment, anger, or blame?

Is there anything you're not forgiving yourself for? Do you carry guilt or regret?

In this vlog, we're tackling the topic of forgiveness. Join me in this conversation on what it means to be in non-forgiveness, why to forgive, when to forgive, and most importantly how to forgive.

How to Forgive so You Can Be Free

Did you know that to be free we need to forgive others? Every time we make someone wrong and hold grievance toward them, being the judge of their bad behavior, we’re metaphorically putting them in a prison. And guess who has to stand guard at that prison? We do! How can we be truly free if we’re busy guarding that prison we made for them? So today, within your own mind and heart choose to forgive for one reason… so you can be FREE.

To share your experience, insights or questions, please scroll below to leave a comment.

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30 Responses

    1. Hi Kristine, I hope this vlog on forgiveness was helpful. This is the primary resource on the site on the topic of forgiveness. If you’re looking for something more specific or you have questions not covered by this vlog, please let me know. Thanks, Bernadette

  1. Thank You!! As I watched your video on, I took notes! Thank you AGAIN so much for sharing this information! I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
    Best wishes!

  2. I have been in emotional pain & depression as a momfor over 3 years because our family is not “a family” any more. We have a son & daughter both married with 2 grown children. The whole situation is so complex & so sad how circumstances caused the break up of our family I couldn’t begin to tell it all. I was in therapy quite quickly & found a psychologist (very expensive) who I felt understood & tried to be helpful. Thinking my husband would benefit from coming with me one day I was shocked when she spoke entirely differently to me as she agreed with everything my husband said that was opposite to our previous sessions for 2 years. I never went back & I suffered horrendous depression & mistrust. You are without a doubt Bernadette the lifeline I need to listen to. Our son & daughter have not spoken in almost 3 years & will not attend family functions or come to our house if the other is there.
    Our daughter & family have moved 2 hours away & our grandchildren all going different places. These 5 grandchildren grew up together with all of us a family & now we cannot have both together for any occasion. This has broken both of us & although they both say we should enjoy our retirement & move on & enjoy each family individually as a Mom & Grandma I cannot get past what we have lost having a whole family. There was hope at one point 2 years ago when our daughter called our son to meet & try to come to a way to move on. We were not there of course & all I knew was went it was mentioned the panic & hurt my daughter showed kept us from knowing for a long time. She is a wonderful mother & wife with an amazing career but since that day meeting her brother she told us after how he treated her & talked to her she no longer had a brother. This has absolutely broken out hearts not just for the 2 of then but for us & our Grandchildren. 1 year ago we had hope again when they agreed they would come for Christmas to our home. Our son said they had said sorry by e-mail as did our daughter do he just wanted everyone to show up. Our daughter & husband said they would come if our son & wife would meet with them once previously because they felt that one fateful day when mean, hurtful & traumatic things were said that our son should say he was sorry to his sister for hurting her so badly & they could all move on. Unfortunately due to miscommunication & time before Christmas this never took place & we were back to feeling utterly hopeless just as we are today.
    I am so sorry to send you such a complex situation but after listening to you talk about forgiveness I have hope that the children we love so much could find forgiveness, understanding & love. I don’t know if it is possible especially if my son does not ask for forgiveness. My daughters response is that if he does not care enough about her as his sister she is done & doesn’t care. I as her Mom know she is hurting terribly but will not admit it. If you have any comment or advice it would mean more than you could know. I love your empathetic but real way of explaining life & how we are all “human” I am spiritual (not religious) very much as you explain. I pray throughout the day & every night for a solution as life passes by for 2 grandparents that are blessed but broken.

    1. Hey Lynn, I feel your pain and can understand that this is likely to be one of (if not the most) challenging life situation for you to deal with. My instinctive response is to remind you… that this is part of their journey to walk – for some reason this is has arisen and this is going to teach something to your daughter and your son, and you can’t do anything to have them avoid their lessons or to walk their path for them. They are learning the hard way, for sure, but sometimes that is the way learning happens. Most importantly, your focus can be on unconditional love of them both, and encouraging them both to live their true values, and to live from love (then let them work out what behavior would match that). What they do with that wisdom is up to them. It may take time, it may take more life experience on both their parts, before healing is possible. But rest assured, it’s never too far gone, it’s never too late, and it’s entirely possible for the relationships to heal and come together again. But, in your case you have to surrender what you can’t control that, the timing of it, the choices they make. Love them, support them, encourage them, prompt them, and continue to take love-based approaches to healing for the family, but then let go. In letting go, you give space for them to work out what choices they want to make for their own lives (even if it’s currently negatively impacting on others). Note: all of this is based on the assumption that you’ve already had conversations with them directly to help resolve it. e.g where you’ve already talked to them from a place of love, about mending, healing, putting the past behind, and moving forward. Which is sounds like you have. From there, it comes down to trust, faith, surrender, and continuing to yourself demonstration in words and actions what it is to be loving, forgiving, and family.
      I send hugs your way, and send peace to all your family.

  3. This was very informative and your videos have been very helpful, kind and healing. I have been struggling with forgiveness for a long time. My question is how do you remove yourself from this behavior? Or better yet, deal with the person(s) who keep repeating the disruptive deteriorating damaging behavior over again? I have “forgiven” but then find myself around that behavior again. I don’t know if the universe is making me attract this so I can learn from it or not. This has been a challenge. I am glad I found your videos. I really appreciate them.

    1. Hey Jessica, yes it may be that while forgiveness is one thing, or even a potential lesson and gift in itself, there could be other things going on. E.g Boundaries, communication, the types of choices we make about who we spend our time with, and how we deal with bad behavior. So rather than just dealing with it at the “tail end” with forgiveness, you might enquire within yourself about what else there is learn from these difficult situations about your relationships, boundaries, communication etc in how you could better distance/remove/avoid those types of people or situations. We can’t actually completely avoid these things, but we do our best! And then if we do face tough situations, we can then be calm and assertive in our communication, reinforce boundaries, forgive and move on. I hope that helps. Love, B

  4. I think I have made a break through on the road to forgiveness after watching this. Thank You B!

  5. Your videos are always insightful and helpful. You are so generous in spirit to share your knowledge and experience with us. I was suffering terribly yesterday from the fallout of trying to come to an agreement with the husband I left 15 months ago. He is living in our house and I have done everything I can to come to an arrangement where he can stay there an enjoy the benefit of all the work he did on it . We were really in a loving and forgiving place where we were being kind and considerate to each other but when it came to the legal stuff he turned on me a told he was ‘being screwed’. I was devastated and it made me question my belief in myself and my whole value system. I think clicking on your video was me being directed by the universe to advice that would enable me to overcome the hurt. God bless you and thankyou

    1. Thank you for your message Katherine, and I’m so glad this video was helpful. Blessings to you. May peace and love wrap around you. Bx

  6. Thank you so much for this… After a very difficult situation I have worked through a lot of the anger and know I need to forgive but could not see how to do it. The person hurt my husband and I deeply and I just could not figure out how to forgive. I feel like I saw this at a perfect time and the information is so valuable I know I will now be able to move forward freely. Thank you!!

  7. How does forgiveness fit in when someone avoids paying you back for their hefty expenses? You get stuck with a debt that they don’t want to pay. Money ruins many relationships.

    1. Indeed. Disagreements and lack of integrity around money can cause many relationship challenges and lead to breakdown of trust and connection. Forgiveness fits all situations, as it is to set you free emotionally and energetically. And at the same time that doesn’t mean you have to “forgive the debt” so to speak, you can forgive in your heart in order to feel at ease and be free, while still requiring payment of the debt when it is possible to recover the funds. You can forgive the person and no longer trust or have them in your life, and still tell them you expect payment and why and when. It is not a case of one or the other. I hope that makes sense 🙂

  8. If it is present day stuff then it is so easy to be swamped by all of it – it is difficult. Yes – still love them, but also it has to be done firmly. First base is: protect yourself – but, also, they need to learn that YOU are NOT the one to save them or to unquestionably do what they want. Do it with love, but – firmly! We all want the best for the ones we love, but… if we get caught up in the swirl of their troubles then we are useless, even to ourselves. Detach – protect (yourself), then respond – with (strong) love. It is the best thing for everyone. As you say B, ‘keep it clean’. Great mantra!

  9. I saved this pin to one of my boards a couple of years ago and forgot about it. I knew then that I needed to understand how to forgive. I just happened across this today and decided to watch it. I am thankful to myself for knowing I would watch it someday and be able to absorb its message. And I am thankful to you for making this video and posting it for anyone to learn from. I am not free yet but I am certainly on my way. Thanks so much for helping me to heal.

    1. Hi Dawn, so glad this video was helpful, and amazing that you had it saved from years ago, beautiful!! Sending love your way. Bernadette 🙂

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Spiritual Life Coach

About Bernadette Logue

B is a Spiritual Life Coach & Author with over a decade of experience working with clients online, both one-on-one and in groups, helping them to reconnect and align with their soul for a more purposeful, fulfilling, and magical life.

Ready for a More Fulfilling

& Magical Life?

Get Your Soul Journey Simplified today: discover practical guidance for understanding & navigating your spiritual path, to live the life your soul came for.

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