When someone says something that hurts your feelings, you have to make a choice about what to do in the situation and what to do with those feelings arising within you.
In this video, I give you 3 keys to support you to respond to hurtful words with composure, inner peace and empowerment.
When Someone's Words Hurt You…
Don't cycle in negativity and upset unnecessarily. Every moment of your life is precious – far too precious to spend in hurt when other options are available to you.
Hi Bernadette, I thank you for your video on this topic. After a long process, I feel I have the necessary tools to deal with people when they are in a state which is not good. It can be done by anyone, but it does take time to get there.
Hi Denise, you’re very welcome. Certainly does take time to practice and learn how to respond. I always like to remind myself that it’s about progression not perfection 🙂 My warmest wishes to you, Bernadette
Hey can u plz help me? Ur akcent is totally change so i cannot fully understand ur words can u plz send me this video in written form or nybody help me ? About this i really need to understand this video
Hi Maryam, thanks for your email, apologies we do not have this video in written format. My initial thought is come and join me for a private coaching session and we can work through your situation and provide support for you, and we can do that in a slower pace so it’s easier to follow if English is not your first language or if my accent is hard for you to follow 🙂 However, I can also follow up that session with written points to help clarify things (as I provide a follow up action plan via email for each coaching session). You can find more information at the link below https://www.bernadettelogue.com/life-coach/ Apologies that we don’t have written resources on this topic for you. We do have lots of articles/blogs and books on the website in relation to other topics and relationship based issues. Let us know if you need help with anything else and we can refer you to other resources where possible. Best wishes! Bernadette
Some good tips B! I sometimes struggle with this as I don’t want to be seen as a “doormat” that people can say what they want and think it’s ok so I will want to react or respond.
Hi Sue, I hear you! Calm response is always most powerful, reaction steals our power away. Calmly responding isn’t being a doormat. You can be calm, strong and assertive at all the same time 🙂 B
Thank you for your helpful advise. I am caring for my 100 yr old father, who is appreciative of my efforts, but at the same time he can say some very hurtful things ( not age related- whole life time of this) So, I like the idea of just walking away, easier than deflecting. What’s more troubling, my stress level being high, sometimes I find myself lashing out like he does at my spouse. I know I need to take responsibility for my actions, but it’s difficult living with him – maybe more walking away more often! I like that you say it’s progression, not perfection! Thank you!
Glad this was helpful for you Denise, and I send much love and peace vibes your way. It’s wonderful that you’re caring for your father in his later years, what a massive loving contribution you’re making in doing so, and also that you are so self-aware and wanting to do better… simply awesome. I have put a link below to an anger article that a guest expert shared on our website, in case that helps with new ideas for dealing with upset when you’re lashing out at your spouse. These tips might be useful…
Thank you, this was incredible and perfect timing. I have had this happen recently and I was so upset, but a few minutes in to your video and I felt a peace come over me. I’m really grateful to have seen this video today.
So glad this was timely for you! Love, B
What do I do when when husband calls me “a piece of shit” and he walks away? A few days later I brought it up and he denied saying it. I still feel quite hurt by the remark and feel like I have physically and mentally shrunk in size. I know I am not a piece of shit.
Hi Carron, it’s super important to communicate with him how this comment made you feel and that this is not okay. Whether he acknowledges he said it or not, whether he takes ownership or not, whether he apologizes or not… it’s key that you have the space to communicate that you are not okay with it. If this is a one-off situation, sometimes in relationships we stand back and question why the person might erupt with such unkind hurtful statements. Perhaps in his own pain or frustration he has let it spill over and fired his own problems and pain at you. However, if it is a recurring frequent issue where you says hurtful or abusive things to you, it may be time to consider whether the relationship is healthy and right for you, or consider getting professional support. Again, no one is perfect, and we all have our moments. Passing moments are one thing, but repeating abusive statements are not. I’ve put a link below to a few related resources in case these are helpful for how to raise the issue with him…
Warmest wishes to you.
Great advice. They can give it but I refuse to take it in. I will not take the Bait!
YES!! Awesome Lynn! 🙂
Hi there, I follow you daily and read and listen to a great deal of the daily positive..I am a healthcare worker with my own clinic. I do physical therapy and have to listen to so much whining and negativity that it makes me crazy. Also, so many people are hard to help because they don’t listen…I could go on and on. I am burnt out and need help!
Leanora Premeau MPT
Arkansas Valley Physical therapy
Hi Leanora, I hear you! Firstly, love and respect for the work you do in helping others. Secondly, here are a few related resources that might be useful…
Hi Bernadette, I really like your videos. Your video on how to handle words that hurt you was very useful. I am in a legal tangle currently, since I am unable to obtain a divorce from a husband who was very abusive. The legal process is extremely slow and tedious in my country. My 11-year-old daughter is also losing her emotional balance and I am trying hard to make ends meet and get her treated for her ADHD – ODD as best as I can. I myself have adult ADD. Friends have recommended Past Life Regression for both my daughter and myself. What would your recommendations be?
Sending my best wishes to you for all you’re doing. Without knowing details of your situation and being able to assess your unique needs, as a general suggestion for anyone going through difficult times with pressure emotionally, I do feel that the following simple tools/techniques offer so much healing power to anyone…
– Deep diaphragmatic breathing (guided meditation here if it interests you… https://www.bernadettelogue.com/7-minute-daily-breathing-meditation-for-presence-calm/)
– Meditation practises
– EFT/Tapping (how to guide here… https://www.bernadettelogue.com/eft-tapping/)
I’ve also put a guide to stress and one for overwhelm below in case those tips help too.
Love and peace your way
Well it’s easy to say that, but what if you’re married to the person?
Hi Sheryl, thanks for your message, yes with close family or partners it can be even more challenging. If the hurtful words are repeated patterns and a dynamic in the relationship, it is very important to address it and be able to voice what isn’t working and to discuss how to change that for the health of the relationship. I’ve put below a link to a video about having difficult conversations, in case that is useful for pointers around how to raise the issue with the person…
Also we have a relationships online course that one of our guest experts created, a licensed marriage and family therapist, which has wonderful content around improving relationship dynamics in case that is of interest too.
With warmest wishes,
Thank you for the helpful advise you give.Your daily positive seems to come at the right time for me when things dont go right for me just like dont take the bait, l will keep that in mind and work on it hard work to be mindful when you get caught in the moment and react .I love your explanations. People like yourself make a difference to us in helping us to understand clear on what is going on and how to cope. Best wishes, krys
A pleasure sharing with you Krys and thanks for being here with us in the community! Much love, B