Your “buts” do not serve you, and it is absolutely time to give them a kick in the butt!
Your “buts” limit you. They hold you prisoner. They stop you.
They give your power away.
They prevent you from seeing a clear path forward.
They keep other ideas, perspectives, opportunities and possibilities OFF your radar.
Your “buts” blind you.
Here's the kicker about “buts”…
- They are addictive.
- They are default, habitual and auto-pilot responses that we become so used to saying that we don't even realise we are trapped by them most of the time!
- They are sabotaging, and they keep us small.
- I could live my dreams, but…
- I could be healthier but…
- I could have inner peace but…
- I could do what I really want to do but…
- I could live my full potential but…
- I could powerfully remove negativity from my life but…
How handy is that?!
“Buts” are a Free Pass to Stay Small
Our “buts” are like a free pass to:
- Stay small
- Remain stuck in the mud
- Avoid responsibility
- Avoid showing up fully in life
- Avoid putting in effort, commitment and dedication to truly live this life as the precious gift that it is.
They keep us in our comfort zone. And it's so familiar in there, so it's no wonder you want to stay there!
All great possibilities exist beyond your comfort zone, out in the great unknown, in the vast expanse of uncertainty.
The sooner you wake up to your “buts” and choose a different way of thinking, speaking and living, the sooner you will free yourself.
Free yourself from what?
From all the crap that you don't like!
- From the circumstances you want to change
- From the relationships that bring you down
- From the work that you don't love
- From the negative messages in your mind that beat you up
- From the toxic feelings that make your stomach turn
- From the anxiety that pervades you daily like a quiet little ghost lurking around the corner!
Here are 7 specific and very common “buts” that you must kick in the butt ASAP, so that you can be free and happy.
1. “But I can't…”
You just shot your life in the foot.
Why would you do that to yourself?
No one else can harm you as much as you can harm yourself. “I CAN” are the two simplest and most powerful words for creating change.
“I can't” isn't anything real and true about you and your life, it is a mindset. Luckily, you were born with consciousness and free will, so you can change your mind any time you like.
2. “But I don't know how…”
You don't know how YET.
There is one difference between people who have created what they want and achieved the experience of life they knew was possible, and those who haven't.
Those who did are the ones who at first didn't know how, yet they still went out into the world with an open mind and heart in search of answers.
In this age of information, you can find answers, support, guidance, direction, tools and resources to almost any question! And, there is a heck of a lot of FREE information out there!
So get out there and give life a real shot! Say to yourself, “I don't know how YET, but all I need to do is start asking questions and opening up for answers and I will find a way”.
3. “But I don't have…”
You might not have what you think you need YET.
There are ways around every perceived problem if you are willing to look at that problem with solution eyes.
You might not have the resources to do something you desire to do. But you do have the opportunity, being alive right here and now, to create the resources over time. Or to partner with someone who has resources you need, in a way that benefits both parties.
You can also look at your circumstances from a new perspective and consider perhaps, that what you think you must have to move forward may actually not be true.
At times we become wedded to ideas about what we need to have in order to live life the way we desire. And yet if we let go of our attachment to those rigid ideas, we might just see more powerful ways to move forward.
Look creatively at what you might need. Reconsider how you might go about creating, finding or sourcing it.
Give away any excuse about how long it might take or how hard that might be.
Instead, ask yourself, “How much do I want my goal/dream/life to thrive?”
4. “But I'm not… “
Glass half full or glass half empty?
You can look at what you are not or you can look at what you are.
You can look at your talents and strengths and learn how to use those to your advantage. Or you can look at your weaknesses and decide they define you, rather than seeking to strengthen those parts of yourself.
Your subconscious mind is like a sponge. It soaks up everything you say to yourself. It's like an impressionable little child hiding behind the door, eavesdropping on your conversation!
Whatever “I AM…” and “I'M NOT…” statements you repetitively say to yourself with emotional conviction are being imprinted into your subconscious.
These then play back to you like a tape recorder, dictating your level of self-confidence, self-belief and sense of capability.
If you want to feel more confident and empowered to create the life you want, you have to start coding your mind with powerful I AM statements.
5. “But it's not possible…”
Something is only impossible until it's done.
Possible and impossible are perspectives.
If you're stuck in “but it's not possible”, please watch this great video!
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are” – Anthony Robbins
6. “But I'm afraid…”
So is everyone, of something, at some point.
But most times fear is not the instinctive human survival response that aids us well if we are in danger. Instead it's an out of control response to your mind telling made-up stories about:
- what you should and shouldn't do,
- what might or might not happen, and
- what is and isn't possible.
People who overcame fear didn't lose the fear and then step forward. They stepped forward through the fear and in doing so exercised their courage muscle.
You have to exercise that muscle in order for it to grow and for it to eventually tip the balance on your fear. Just because you're afraid, doesn't mean you need to give up on yourself and on the life you desire…
The fear feeling tells you:
- Yes, I'm afraid because I am entering uncertain territory (where great possibilities exist), and
- I care enough about this situation/possibility/dream to be afraid
If there was no fear, you wouldn't likely have enough inner investment in your desired outcome to do what it takes to create it. So celebrate the fact you've got fear. It can be fuel to help move you forward!
7. “But what if…”
What if it doesn't work?
But what if it does?
What if I fail?
But what if you didn't?
What if you actually succeeded?
And, if you did fail, so what?!
It is your addiction to certainty and your avoidance of risk that keeps you stuck.
Certainty is addictive, but what you must realize is this…
You just have to be willing to walk out into that uncertain space and sit with the discomfort long enough to grab those possibilities and fly with them.
You could play “what if” from now until the moment you lie on your deathbed, and nothing will have changed.
There are a million what ifs – half positive, half negative.
You can choose which ones to play with.
You can live in accordance with either perspective.
One perspective will suffocate you. The other perspective will set your free from the inside out.
It's your choice. What choice will you make right now?
I would love to connect with you personally. So please do share your thoughts, questions or experiences by leaving a comment below.
- What “buts” have most kept you stuck in the past?
- Which ones are you going to give a kick in the butt today?
With love! Bernadette
Very inspiring, I am in such a need to change something and this silly “but” is always on the way. It’s hard cause it feels like so much should be changed and I don’t have a clear picture where and how to start. Thank you Bernadette for your kind heart, wisdom and courage you show us in your newsletters and for your willingness to help people on the way to become their true self. I love you.
Hi Inna, I am so sorry I am only replying now. I didn’t see the alert that you had posted a comment a couple of weeks ago. So belatedly… thank you for your words. Stay open for the change you know you want and need, take it in small moments of you daily life. The most profound things can come from tiny little adjustments! With love, B
Thank you so much for your blogs they are so uplifting… I have a major problem with fear in terms of being myself open , free, and expressive but for some reason something is holding me back and I feel unconsciously it’s fear of other people’s reaction as I am self conscious of my body also age… I am putting your 7 strategies into place, keep telling myself I am and see what happens. Thanks again
Glad the blogs are helping you Carlita! There is a free online class on my website (under the Events menu on the top of this page), it’s called Overcoming Fear. You might find it useful with some strategies and tips for practically addressing that fear you are experiencing. With love, Bernadette
I found your book absolutly fantastic, it felt we were in a conversation at times I had to really look around the room to realise it was just me and your book.
I am waiting for my local library to get me a copy of “pinch me” so I can start from the begining of your journey.
I look forward to reading alot and learning more from your books and on line information.
Thank you so much for your inspiration
Hi Connie, thanks for connecting with me, I appreciate this message. So awesome to know you enjoyed the book (I’m guessing it was Unleash Your Life, the self-help guide, or Going Out on a Limb (personal journey). Excited for you to get Pinch Me, it is one of my favs! Welcome to the Pinch Me Living community, I’m glad we’re in touch and hope all the resources here on my website serve as helpful tools on your journey. With love, Bernadette
thank youuuu!!!!so much!!! Im feeling Im taking baby steps towards big changes inside and outside of me!!!!!Its a gift from the Universe..that somehow!!! I have found!!! you!!! please keep in touch!! and I will keep in touch with youu!! I live in Argentna!! and for now..I cant pay for your book, tapes, etc..because we dont have the dollar…however..Im very thankful for all the material you are offering to me!!!! big hug Edgar!!!!
You’re welcome Edgar, it’s a pleasure to help you with the free resources so stay tuned on the website and my social media and I look forward to sharing more with you! If you haven’t already, you can get free downloadable audios and other helpful tools at the link below, and join our email list to stay in touch. Warmest wishes! B
At present Paul McKenna’s videos “change your life in 7 days” (helps to boost your self-confidence) and “I can make you rich” (self explaining), both available on youtube, in German as well, help me a lot to change the direction of my mind and I already see some important changes. I have new feelings about myself I never thought I would have. Just great. It’s a very comfy way since you only have to listen to and it works even if you fall asleep while listening, sometimes even better since the conscious part of yourself then cannot interact.
I hope this will help other people.
Thanks wonderful Roberto 🙂